Not Captioned For the Humor-Impaired

Hey Mina!

Thu, 15 May 2008 01:24:30 GMT

This is an old one of me, from the late 70s, it made me think of nightcircle(and Gemma, of course).

My mother was absolutely crazy about this car.

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 15:58:43 GMT

Regional Dialect Meme:

I'm from Houston, TX

What do you call:

1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks.

That's a bayou!

2. What the thing you push around the grocery store is called.

Cart

3. A metal container to carry a meal in.

Lunchbox

4. The thing that you cook bacon and eggs in.

Skillet

5. The piece of furniture that seats three people.

Couch or sofa

6. The device on the outside of the house that carries rain off the roof.

Gutter

7. The covered area outside a house where people sit in the evening.

Porch

8. Carbonated, sweetened, non-alcoholic beverage.

Soda

9. A flat, round breakfast food served with syrup.

Pancakes

10. A long sandwich designed to be a whole meal in itself.

A Sub, or, if it's really delicious, a po-boy

11. The piece of clothing worn by men at the beach.

Bathing suit

12. Shoes worn for sports.

Sneakers

13. Putting a room in order.

Cleaning up

14. A flying insect that glows in the dark.

Firefly

15. The little insect that curls up into a ball.

Doodlebug

16. The children's playground equipment where one kid sits on one side and goes up while the other sits on the other side and goes down.

See-saw

17. How do you eat your pizza?

Depends on the pizza, if it's big and heavy I'll use a knife and fork. If it's crunchy I'll use my hands.

18. What's it called when private citizens put up signs and sell their used stuff?

Garage sale

19. What's the evening meal?

Dinner

20. The thing under a house where the furnace and perhaps a rec room are?

Who's in the what now? :) That's a basement.

21. What do you call the thing that you can get water out of to drink in public places?

Drinking fountain

22: If something is diagonally located, where is it in relation to you?

Kitty-corner

23. What do you call the place where the water comes out of the sink?

Tap

Today

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 00:31:49 GMT

Today I am so proud to be a Texan.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/5677683.html

Utah let this shit go on waaay too long. Warren Jeffs, what on earth were you thinking coming here?!? Texas is pretty cool with all sorts of religious quirks, but we just don't look the other way at trafficking underage girls.

Couldn't make this shit up.

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:46:39 GMT

Mimir bit my hand on Saturday night, right in the web between my thumb and index finger. She’s bitten me plenty of times before, so I didn’t think much of it until I noticed that it wouldn’t stop bleeding and then saw that it was actually a pretty deep puncture. So I cleaned the hole and put some neosporin in there, but couldn’t put on a band-aid because it’s in such an awkward spot.

When I got up for work on Sunday morning, the hand hurt an awful lot, I couldn’t grip anything with my thumb without major pain. Oh, well, off to work anyway. By the end of the day I’d decided it must be infected, it was starting to swell and hurt even more.

So yesterday I went to the doctor, he says it’s probably not infected - it’s not red or dripping pus or anything like that. His diagnosis? Crush trauma. Ha! From my 18-pound princess. Geez.

Whew

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 21:40:26 GMT

I just got home from the Nan Goldin: Stories Retold exhibit at MFAH. Wow, just wow. Go see this! Be sure to watch Sisters, Saints, Sybils - which we very nearly skipped but decided to go ahead and watch since we were already there, and I found it the best of the 3 slideshow/video installations although C thought it was really depressing - he calls me a ghoul sometimes. There was a lot of sadness about it but in the end she’s still alive and creating amazing things, which makes it more uplifting and is almost like a Hollywood ending for me - I think Diane Arbus’s stuff is a lot more depressing just because of her eventual suicide, even though the photos aren’t nearly as personal.
About half of the still photos in the hall were on loan from a private collector in Houston. Oh, to be that rich someday. My favorite stills were the Mr. Milky series, all photos of a cat ending with its grave which reads "You never did anything wrong" and The Plague was also great. The whole thing was so powerful and I feel really emotionally exhausted from having seen it.
Miwa Yanagi’s photos were lovely, very dream-like with lots of crazy bright colors.
We skipped the Pompeii exhibit, though we’ll probably check it out later. It was a mob-scene.

Holy crap

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:56:36 GMT

I was out at a funeral home in Conroe last weekend and saw this little fellow in the office.

His name is Wonton. He wouldn't let me pet him, I chased him around the desks for five minutes before finally snapping this photo and giving up. Waaay timid little man.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 01:29:06 GMT

Happy belated birthday to Miss Jessika! I'll have Troy call you from work soon. ;)

We leave tomorrow for Paris. We'll be back the 23rd. So long, suckers!

My Voodoo Xmas Tree

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 16:12:33 GMT

I put up the Christmas tree Tuesday night:

Here's a crappy one with flash so you can see a little more detail:

The tree is spray-painted black, and I decorated each of the ornaments with a Veve or sigil, but you can barely see it in the photos. I got the moss from a local cemetery and here's a close-up of my "angel":

Made of sticks from the yard, more moss, and fabric scraps from my reception dress.

I had originally intended to add some chicken bones and dried chicken feet. Then I remembered that we have a couple of rotten dogs that would certainly tear apart the tree to get at the bones, eat them, and probably choke on them. So I may be finding some plastic bones and adding those later.
There is a small pile of red-wrapped gifts under the tree too! Matchy-matchy!

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:12:43 GMT

This Friday @ 8 pm the creators of Found Magazine are appearing and performing as part of a big promotional tour. I looooove Found Magazine, I can't wait for this!

Life is Beautiful

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 20:47:00 GMT

Back to work tomorrow. I had a nice productive vacation, lots of sewing and crafting and whatnot. I made two hats and a scarf.
I was just at the grocery store and they had all the Christmas stuff out. It smelled like peppermint. It's odd that I was so uninspired for Halloween this year, but Christmas seems so magical and wonderful. Even though I have to work through most of the holidays, I'm still looking forward to it. Hopefully the family drama will be kept to a minimum.
An old work friend of my brother's has invited my mother and Chris and I to go stay with him in the south of France and take plenty of time to explore Rennes-le-Chateau. This would be in spring 2009. Tres exciting!

What I did yesterday afternoon

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 15:45:27 GMT

Finally got 5 stars on that stupid Police song! Yes, I'm a huge dork.

The pit bulls attacked a possum in the back yard last night. I had to wake up Chris to get them off the little guy. I thought for sure it was dead, so you know I freaked the fuck out when I went outside later (thinking I might clean up the corpse, although I'm not so good with dead animals) and saw it sitting up staring at me. It didn't move, but it was gone this morning. There's just a dark greasy-looking smear on the fence at the spot where he was shoved up against it being chewed on. Eeew.

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 16:31:27 GMT

I keep seeing these paintings of dogs in military uniforms. Seems like they're everywhere I go lately. I'd love to have one but I've only found a few online and they're a bit expensive.
Blah blah blah, the weather is gorgeous. I finally feel like carving pumpkins. And I should probably get some candy, we've had some trick-or-treaters the last couple of years.

If anyone cares

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 17:44:14 GMT

The one and only Roky Erickson, father of psychedelic rock, is playing tonight at the Conroe Cajun Catfish Festival. Tickets are $6 online, $10 at the gates. Chris has been waiting over a decade to see this man play live, and I'm thrilled to share the experience. (If you don't know who he is, go find the new documentary "You're Gonna Miss Me" and educate yourself. Then kick yourself in the ass if you miss the show!)

PS - I'm pretty good at Guitar Hero. I need to get the second controller and face off with a few people (ahem, Jason). Not that I think I'll ever be as good as this awesome little freak:

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 14:27:46 GMT

I have two pit bulls on steroids. Literally on steroids. Eek!

Kicking ass

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 21:42:46 GMT

I've been cleaning and working on the house for days and days. I couldn't clean at all while I was sick, so I was way behind on my usual wifely duties!
I had a nice, low-key birthday. Got some nice gifts from the most important people.
Been trying to rest so I don't exhaust myself, since I'm still not 100% healthy and my recovery time from doing hard work around the house is much longer than usual.
I tried to give Geddy a bath earlier. Failure! That's definitely a two-man job.
I painted the living room pumpkin orange. Very groovy. (I have a whole gallon of paint left over if anyone wants it.)
New laptop is great, I even managed to get wireless hooked up in the house (after two days of messing with it and talking to tech support).

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:30:48 GMT

So, in part 4,563 of "Michelle gets dragged kicking and screaming into the modern age" - Chris got me a 30gig iPod for my birthday. I've been uploading CDs for days, and I've made a paltry 5GB dent (including two videos and 90 photos). Sad, really. But it's got me thinking of things I need to find/buy/download that I haven't listened to in a long time.

I also have a reasonably decent laptop on the way, gift from my mom. And to think that just ten years ago the thought of using a computer to do anything would set me off on a tangent of rage and fear.

PS - I'm mostly not sick anymore. Hooray for antibiotics and modern medicine!

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 14:50:54 GMT

I am a very sick woman right now. I must rest, but it's sooo hard to sit still and do nothing.
This makes me want to learn quilting:
http://www.quiltsryche.com/

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 21:05:57 GMT

It seems that an unusually rainy summer in Houston is the absolute worst place/time to try and figure out resin-casting. I'm getting nothing but lumps of smelly, caustic sludge that sticks to EVERYTHING. Blech. That whole thing may have to wait until the weather cools down and the rain clears.
In the meantime, I think I may start scrapbooking. I have so many empty blank books, and a ridiculous archive of photos and things that I feel like I should save somehow. I've been perusing craftster.org a bit this afternoon. I've always been really into making collages, most of which I made as gifts for specific people and gave away. So maybe it's time I made something for myself. There was a little article in the Saturday paper Religion section about spiritual scrapbooking; this woman wrote a book about how she made a scrapbook detailing her Christian journey. So that's really got me thinking.

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 15:27:07 GMT

Your Score: 10", Willow, Veela

You scored 42 wisdom, 38 bravery, 26 emotional, and 5 martyrdom!

A willow wand signifies that you care deeply about emotions, art, and intuition, and that you have a particular knack for charms. The veela hair as a wand core means that you are slightly unpredictable but very powerful.

Link: The Harry Potter Wand Test written by sputnik845 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Michael Vick

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 14:34:29 GMT

If you have a moment, please follow this link to the Humane Society website. It will send a form email (just sign your name and fill in your email address) to the NFL commissioner, calling for the suspension of dogfighting thug Michael Vick.

https://community.hsus.org/campaign/US_2007_dogfighting_nfl2?rk=0dqSG-E1Nbs8W

Personally, I'd like to see him in prison. But we all know how the justice system works for athletes in this country. Maybe a suspension is the best I can hope for.

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 15:42:47 GMT

You know that saying "common sense isn't so common"?
I think that goes double for common courtesy.

Michelle has foot-in-mouth disease

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 19:40:12 GMT

Anyone who has ever spent a little bit of time with me knows that I often manage to say something inappropriate. Sometimes that little filter between my brain and my mouth just quits working. I can never tell when this is going to happen until it's too late.
A couple of weeks ago, Chris and I went out to his mother's house to discuss his inheritance with his mom and his brother. All very civil, which of them is getting what and how it's divided up, and what they'll be dividing up later. So, his brother is leaving through the kitchen, and turns around to say goodbye to me. I wave to him and say bye and then...I said "And if you cheat me, I will crush you."
This is a joke from some of the Borat skits from Ali G on HBO. It's something some friends and I say to each other all the time, and we all laugh and laugh. But, judging by the look on his face, I don't think Chris' brother has seen it.
D'oh!

Surprise!

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 18:43:38 GMT

Look what my sweet and thoughtful husband bought me on Saturday while I was at work:

Guess I'm really not a candy-and-flowers kind of girl, 'cause this made me squeal with glee.

The weekend

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 21:55:00 GMT

Chris took me to a really cool used/rare bookstore in Rosenberg. I bought this:

It's from before the Berlin Wall came down, and contains all kinds of helpful advice for getting through Checkpoint Charlie and enjoying the sights of Eastern Bloc GDR.

Last night we saw a stripper dressed as a lady cop waiting for her entrance in the driveway next door. One of the new townhouse owners was presumably the birthday boy.
We went to a party with Chris' dad, thrown by his Brazilian girlfriend. Several tipsy Brazilian ladies tried to make me dance with them and told me that I look Brazilian and they just knew I was a good dancer. Hmmm. That's a new one.

Smile

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 19:33:33 GMT